One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing. ~Frank Sheed
For me, mowing the lawn with a very loud gas-powered mower is the best time for karaoke. And I'm sure my neighbors would agree. ~Author Unknown
A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family. ~Saul Alinsky
There are many sham diamonds in this life which pass for real, and vice versa. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
Twice two makes four seems to me simply a piece of insolence. Twice two makes four is a pert coxcomb who stands with arms akimbo barring your path and spitting. I admit that twice two makes four is an excellent thing, but if we are to give everything its due, twice two makes five is sometimes a very charming thing too. ~Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky
Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle
Every mother hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did, and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did. ~Martin Andersen-Nex�
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern. ~Edgar A. Shoaff
Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it. ~Christopher Morley, Thunder on the Left
The only man who really needs a tail coat is a man with a hole in his trousers. ~John Taylor
Anonymous Hick Redneck Founding Father: "Think of it: an entire nation founded on saying one thing and doing another."
If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself there you have remained. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing. ~Saint Augustine
The stern hand of fate has scourged us to an elevation where we can see the great everlasting things that matter for a nation; the great peaks of honour we had forgotten - duty and patriotism, clad in glittering white; the great pinnacle of sacrifice pointing like a rugged finger to heaven. ~David Lloyd George
Congratulations! You're not perfect! It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you're not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you! Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs 'em? You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. ~Stephen Manes, Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!
The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep. ~Henry Maudsley
He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no heart. He who does so as an adult has no brain. ~John Moore
Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself. ~Dick Cavett
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. ~Brendan Behan
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that? ~Author unknown, as seen on a T-shirt
While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~John Taylor
There was a blithe certainty that came from first comprehending the full Einstein field equations, arabesques of Greek letters clinging tenuously to the page, a gossamer web. They seemed insubstantial when you first saw them, a string of squiggles. Yet to follow the delicate tensors as they contracted, as the superscripts paired with subscripts, collapsing mathematically into concrete classical entities - potential; mass; forces vectoring in a curved geometry - that was a sublime experience. The iron fist of the real, inside the velvet glove of airy mathematics. ~Gregory Benford, Timescape
We all participate in weaving the social fabric; we should therefore all participate in patching the fabric when it develops holes. ~Anne C. Weisberg, Everything a Working Mother Needs to Know, 1994
Shipping is a terrible thing to do to vegetables. They probably get jet-lagged, just like people. ~Elizabeth Berry
If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG. ~Jack Nicholson
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